When in Rome...

We were invited to go to Focus on the Family today. They have a kids playground area so I thought it would be fun. (It was actually pretty awesome.)

I almost died laughing when Mster picked out what she would wear today. For her own safety I asked her to change her shirt.

Suggestions

Suggestions on how to tell Lster that even if he wants everything Mster has he can't put princess elastics in his hair?

2 Words

Today Lster said 2 words in a row.

I asked him if he wanted Rice Krispies and he said. "No. Oatmeal."

This is big. Big as a bush.

Its going to be BIG

Me: What are you going to get Daddy for his birthday.
Mster: I'm thinking about it. But its going to be BIG. Big. BIG. Big. Big as a Bush.
Mster: Maybe he needs a bike.
Me: He already owns a bike that he doesn't ride.
Mster: That's why he needs a new bike.

And for Cster's benefit he can't ride it because of his knee.

No Comment

Why does Lster's stomach smell like Febreeze? Uh...No comment.

Did I see Lster in a pink raincoat the other day? Uh...No comment.

Why say words when you can just spell them out?

Lster has decided to jump that whole learning words part and decided to instead learn his letters. As documented earlier he's learned all the letters over the past few months but the past few weeks he's been working on saying all the letters. He can say all the letters in OBAMA. I have to admit its pretty cute.

Oh and he is getting a few more words they just aren't super clear.

"Oh-eel" - Oatmeal (the kids eat cold oatmeal in milk every morning by their request. I add nothing else to it and they often ask for seconds. And we have other cereal in the house)

"I wah" - I want

"Pee" - Please

"Mama" - Mama or Dad

"Meh" - Milk

And I'm trying hard to catch other ones too. I finally realized he's saying stuff this past week. Its just not super clear.

I want

I watched some kids today for an hour. The boy found a popsicle wrapper in the trash.

Boy: I want a popsicle.
Me: We don't have any popsicles.
Boy: I want a popsicle.
Me: That popsicle was given to us by somebody else. We don't have any other ones here.
Boy: I want a popsicle.
Me: Uh...

5 dollars

Mster offered me 5 dollars the other day to have another baby.

Hello Bandwagon. May I Jump On?

I think at least 80% of the women I know are reading, or have read, the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer. Even though I have 4 great books (so I'm told) sitting on my nightstand I can not muster the enthusiasm to open them up and actually start reading. Yet, I have the urge to read.

And so I decided to try out Ms Meyer's work. I had been warned of its addicting tendencies and worried myself slightly over its sucking powers (no pun intended) but, I was drawn to a book that so many people couldn't put down.

Today I got my first book (borrowed from a friend because I am 168th on the library list for the copy) and I just so happened to get the worst headache of the year. After 2 aspirins with codeines and 2 exedrin migraines and a frantic call to Cster to get home ASAP before our children die from abandonment I was in no position to introduce myself to Bella and Edward. But once the children were asleep and the headache dulled I opened it up and I have to say I'm intrigued. Sadly its midnight and I'm now in my medicated state where I can't think straight, I'm wide awake and I'm dreading my day tomorrow and contemplating whether I should just go get the book and keep reading (which is what I really want to do) worried that it will keep me up later than the drugs.

So instead I decide to stay up late and blog about the addicting power of the book that will keep me up all night instead of actually reading the book all night. Productive.

But tomorrow has to be better. There are children who need feeding, bathing, teaching, nurturing, you know all that mothering stuff.

Ding Dong the Mouse is Dead

I AM SO EXCITED!!!! I can't stop changing the words to songs I know to incorporate dead mice.

I pulled out everything in the kitchen on Saturday and cleaned way too much mouse turd for my liking. Then after I pulled everything out with Cster's brother (Cster was playing mud football in the rain) my in-laws came over to check out the chaos (actually to pick up the brother) and I was embarrassed but I didn't care. And then I took a 4 hour break to visit a friend at the hospital (nickels can get lodged in 4 year olds throats and require surgery). And then I finished the kitchen and moved onto the laundry room to try and fix my dryer and make way for the new washing machine that was scheduled to arrive between 5:30-7:30pm on a Saturday. So my laundry room got scrubbed. The dryer didn't get fixed and I decidedt o leave with the kids at 6pm to keep them away from delivery men carrying major appliances. When we got back I had a new washing machine that was cleaning clothes at that moment. Cster had set up the hotel mouse trap and life was looking good.

And then I woke up this morning and IT WAS DEAD!!! I can't believe it. We've had mouse traps up for 2 months with no mouse. I bought the hotel traps over a week ago but we never set them up. ONE NIGHT of 1 hotel trap and its dead.

Life is good.

(any body want crappy mouse traps that don't work).

Nothing

Mster: Is Tutu my Grandma?
Me: Yes.
Mster: Okay, then I will swim with Tutu, Grandma, and Uncle D but not with you because you are nothing to me.

The Smartest Mouse EVER!!!

We are living with the smartest mouse EVER!!!!

It all started MONTHS ago. Cster heard a mouse under our couch. We bought old school traps and filled them with peanut butter. Inevitably everytime we checked the traps they were empty (of both peanut butter and mice). And yet with the tiny touch of the trigger they would go off. He/she ate everything off of every single trap and somehow magically escaped.

So we decided to buy different traps. Still no luck. We actually figured he had left us since we hadn't heard from him in awhile and found an open door to go live happily with his family 3 houses down. Sadly he/she must have realized that his family is now gone (that house has killed 15 mice with their traps) and has returned to live with us.

And really why wouldn't he/she. No matter how hard I try he has an endless supply of cereal and crackers from my children who feel the need to spread their snack love moments after I vacuum EVERY SINGLE TIME. Clearly he/she's brilliant because on top of all the cheerios and goldfish he/she could imagine he's getting some free peanut butter protein.

This is a smart mouse. I couldn't find the poop forever but now I'm finding it in all sorts of different places. But not a lot in those places. He's a mover. I always clean it out right away and put a trap there and off he goes to his new locale to poop there.

I just heard him while typing in the dark in the kitchen behind my fridge* and low and behold I found more mouse turd. I've decided to trick the little rodent. I left everything as much the way as I could (including the turd) and put a trap there. A sticky trap that apperently once he steps on it will force him to stay there until Cster takes him out (because if anybody thinks I will do it they are sorely mistaken). I'm wondering what will happen if he ever does walk in on one of these sticky ones. I'm sure he won't go out without a battle. Will he squeal and yell that he's stuck in the hopes that one of his family was really on vacation and not lying dead in a heap of trash in the bin and will be able to come pull him off. I'm feeling this might get ugly. It better not happen when Cster isn't here. I can honestly say I would call him at work and tell him to come home.

And so I've written more about this stupid (but really really smart) mouse than I have about my kids. Stupid mouse.


*the mouse was behind the fridge, not me typing on my computer (in case you were confused)

Heat Transference

Cster taught Mster about heat transference a few weeks ago. Yesterday we had 2 girls over to play with Mster. They were sitting around the little table when Mster breaks out in a physics lecture.

Mster: Do you girls know about heat transference?
S: (oblivious to anything but her bowl of mac n cheese)
E: No?
Mster: Well, its like this. You take a drink of milk and you eat hot mac n cheese and the milk makes the mac n cheese not so hot. that's heat transference.
E: Yeah.

Lster Loves Letters

Its not just a great alliteration, its the truth. I noticed it a few months ago when he would point out letters on shirts and in books. I started telling him the letters and just recently we realized he was listening. This works great when we are caught in lines. I look for signs with words and point out all the different letters.

Let's try again: Me, Me, Me

She makes her Daddy proud.

After telling my mother that she doesn't like the rice she cooked.

Mom: So what do you like to eat.
Mster: Princesses
Mom: No EAT. What do you like to EAT?
Mster: Oh, dead cow!

Me, Me, Me.

Lster's Sexist

Lster will not let me do ANYTHING to my hair except keep it hanging down beside my face. A ponytail and he yells until I take it out. I pull my hair back with my hands to take it off my neck for a minute and he yells until I put it back in exactly the same spot. I pull my hair to one side and he yells.

Cster, on the other hand can apparently do whatever he wants. Cster SHAVED HIS ENTIRE HEAD (another story in itself) and Lster didn't even blink an eye.

Happy Fathers Day

Here's a video of our friends singing Happy Father's Day to their dad who's deployed to Afghanistan. I tried to teach them the song and this is my attempt at giving it to them since all other venues (other than a disk) have been exhausted.

Msters Dictionary

Appitode - Attitude
Mehrote - Remote

Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner...out of tupperware

On another eating note, Mster would probably eat anything as long as I didn't plate it and just kept it in the tupperware container it was put in. She thinks leftovers are the BEST when not eaten on a plate or bowl.

Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner...on a Stick

Lster is OBSESSED with eating meals with a toothpick. He thinks its the greatest thing EVER.

It all started when Mster ate something with a toothpick and he HAD to do the same. And now, he requests toothpicks routinely. In fact, I can get him to eat pretty much anything as long as I put a toothpick on his tray too.

Now I 'm sure someone will point out the pointyness of toothpicks and the danger that may pose to my 20 month old should his still developing dexterity cause him to poke himself but to them I would say, it hasn't happened yet. It hasn't happened yet and since the toothpick introduction to our utensils there has actually been less injury while eating. Lster uses spoons and forks but inevitably about 1/2 way through the meal he gives up and switches to his hands and inevitabley one of his tiny little fingers will get in the way of his chomping teeth and he will scream in agony that he bit his fingers.

My first attempt at going political

I've never really gone political here at Squishy Burrito but this comment by Hillary Clinton today made me upset.

"Although we weren't able to shatter that highest, hardest glass ceiling this time, thanks to you, it's got about 18 million cracks in it...The light is shining through like never before, filling us all with the hope and the sure knowledge that the path will be a little easier next time."

Hilary Clinton did not win because she was a woman. I'm a woman and I wouldn't vote for her not because she is a woman but because I didn't want her to be president.

Don't play that card.

Stupid ABC

Dear ABC executives:

I recently viewed a commercial for a new reality series to find a new cast member for High School Musical: Another Movie. I can not tell you the excitement I felt at this news. I LOVE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL (although I have to admit I did not LOVE #2) I think high school kids singing and dancing to the theme of unrequited love is the best thing ever. Yes, I do own both movies.

My excitement was shattered when after 30 seconds of pure advertising bliss you told me that it would be on Sunday nights. I don't watch TV on sunday nights. This is not a good thing. I mean that the show is on Sunday not that I don't watch tv on Sunday.

You may tell me that I can watch it later with limited commercial interuptions at abc.com but its not the same thing. I watched the entire season of The Big Give, got attached to it and it didn't get renewed, I think, in partial, to the fact that I watched it online and my viewership wasn't counted.

I don't want to watch it online. I want to watch it on our big 42 in. tv where I can fully experience HSM in HD glory. I don't want to hook up the computer to the big tv because then I have to remember to take it all apart again before the kids wake up and dance for glee at the thought of pulling every cord imaginable placed in front of them.

Come on...change it. You can pick any other night, come on.!!!!

Sincerely Squishy.

PS - I will accept free shipped dvd's of the show after each one is aired in lieu of moving the date.

Zoo Quips

1. Nothing else will EVER be remembered at a zoo trip by children if the Gorilla throws up and eats it in front of them.

2. I got this email from the zoo this past week. Does anybody else see something a little bit off with it.

"Meet Emmitt and Digger, Cheyenne Mountain Zoo’s two male grizzly bears! Part of the new Rocky Mountain Wild exhibit, these two are frequently seen enjoying their pool. (Emmitt seems to prefer the water more than Digger.) Keepers have been using positive reinforcement to train these two to exhibit natural behaviors as they would in the wild, such as splashing the water, which is how bears fish. The bears are even learning to take directions from keepers; the keeper points to a location and the bears walk to that area. At the ring of a cow bell, both Emmitt and Digger know its time to come inside. "

I'm just wondering how many other animals have been "trained" to act like animals. Are Far Side comics true?

Lster's Quirks

If a plane goes by Lster MUST yell at the top of his lungs and continue yelling until you acknowledge him by also yelling "AIRPLANE" at the top of your lungs.

If Lster passes the TV he will yell and point repeatedly until you tell him he can't watch tv and then he will whine and complain until you distract him. (our tv is in a VERY frequented location)

2 lbs of blueberries eaten by 2 kids in 1 day is not the smartest thing a parent can do for their children's bodies even if the blueberries were ridiculously cheap and the children didn't eat a single cracker all day. Those were some messy diapers.

Ice Cream Novelties

Cster and I were in the frozen food section of our grocery store. Cster saw a sign for Ice Cream and Ice Cream Novelties. "Ooh...Ice Cream Novelties. I want to see that?"

So we walk over to the ice cream section. "Where are the novelties?" asks Cster? Me: "Uh right there. The cones. The popsicles. Ice Cream Bars." Cster: "Really. I was hoping for gnomes eating ice cream or something. You know...a REAL novelty."

Mster - You're KILLING Us!!!

As if the hair fiasco of last weekend wasn't shocking enough, Mster has had a week of misbehaving, not listening and direct disobediance. I don't know what to do. I have some thoughts on what is going on but I can't pinpoint it. We skipped the terrible twos so maybe this is payback.

Last night Cster walked into our main floor bathroom and asked "what happened here?" "I don't know" replied I. "What's going on?"

What's going on is that Mster decided to rip down the wallpaper edging that divides the two coloured walls. WHAT THE HECK? She was still up trying to sleep in her room at this point (it was 9pm for those that know our sleeping schedule) and I was so mad I told Cster to go up and bring her right down. He rationally (thankfully) decided we should deal with it this morning. So this morning we take her into the bathroom to ask her what her brain was thinking and she told us that Lster did it. He didn't. So Mster got to spend an hour in her room by herself. The worst punishment for a girl who needs to be constantly talking and needs constant attention ALL THE TIME.

Seriously...tell me this is a phase.

The Pile

HE SPEAKS

The Lster has spoken.

Lster enjoys grunting. He's mastered tone and intonation down and he's shown no sign of actual consenants or vowels. I've heard too much advice. I've tried to listen to too much advice.

But in the last week we've gotten 4 words:

No. Cracker. Car. Ma

SCORE 3 for Lster. No can mean many things. It can mean No. It can mean Yes. It can mean give me what I really want or this could turn ugly really fast. But its a word and I've watched many a toddler say no to cake, candy, tv and chocolate. Cracker is Gahger and has been confirmed by me, Cster and Mster. We've all heard it used in context. Car is most recent and only heard once but I'm counting it. Ma has been going on for a few weeks now. It is most often spoken at the top or bottom of the stairs and means. "Mom I'm at the top/bottom of the stairs and I don't care if I can get down/up faster than you can get up/down and get me you must get me right this instant or I will keep screaming 'Ma' until you do"

Take that pediatrician.

My child would never do that...

Mster cut her hair.

We've been home from our vacation/wedding craziness a week now and the kids have been having a slightly rough time settling back into the old routine. Mster, my normally angelic child, has been defiant, disobediant and in her own little world where she will do whatever she wants regardless of my suggestions or commands.

By friday I had had enough. I took the kids to the zoo. While there we found out that we would be having guests over that night and the house was in no way decent for house guests. Even if these houseguests rock and wouldn't care if every item we owned was in our living room floor or the guest room where they would stay (which they almost were). So we came home and tidying ensued.

Mster decided to do her part by giving her horse a haircut and leaving all the hair clippings on the floor. I thought about making a comment about not cutting stuffed animals hair but I decided to follow the usual advice of "pick your battles". I turned around to finish what I was doing, turned around again and found her cutting her hair with the scissors pointed upward into her pony tail. I yelled in surprize. She cried. She told me she wasn't my friend anymore and ran away.

After calming myself down and phoning Cster to COME HOME NOW!! I assessed the hair situation and determined that she needed professional help. So, off we went to the hair salon. She now has bangs. (sigh) She now has layers. And there is a heap of horse and Mster hair in our trash.

Once I figure out my camera and take the time upload the pictures I'll post one of the pile o' beautiful locks and maybe one of the stylish new Mster.

I Love You

Another conversation about the book.

Mster: Why doesn't the princess want to marry the wizard?
Me: Because she doesn't love him.
Mster: Why does the princess want to marry the prince?
Me: Because she loves him.
Mster: Why does she love him?
Me: Well...why do you love me?
Mster: Because you have a great smile.
Me: Do you know why I love you?
Mster: (wide eyed) why?
Me: Because you make me laugh
Mster: You like my jokes. Lets tell jokes. Knock Knock.
Me: Who's there?
Mster: Nose.
Me: Nose who?
Mster: Nose hair.

Don't judge a book by its cover

Mster has been OBSESSED with weddings ever since her uncle's wedding a total of 4 days ago. Today we went to the library and I picked up a bunch of books I thought she would like. She decided to pick her own book. It was an odd choice*. She usually doesn't like any books with odd looking drawings. And she can't read so it's really the picture that captures her attention. The book is an Indian Folklore about a princess who is locked away in a palace by a mean wizard and jointly helps a prince rescue her. Mster LOVES it. Who knew with that cover that it would hold all the most important things in Mster's life right now. Weddings. Prince. Princess.

Mster: Why doesn't the princess want to marry the wizard?
Me: Because he's mean.
Mster: Why does the princess want to marry the prince?
Me: Because he's nice and you should always marry a nice person.
Mster: (wide eyed) But what if there isn't any nice people?
Me: Then you shouldn't get married and you can stay with me and Daddy.
Mster: As a grownup?
Me: Yup.
Mster: But what about when you die? I'll be all alone...
Me: Um...you're 3...lets not worry about this right now.


*odd choice = no pictures of cartoon animals, fairies, princesses, smiling faces, fuzzy bunnies, etc.

Earth Week

Because our society has turned every single event/holiday/celebration day into at least a week of merchandising and sales opportunities I've decided to share my "Earth Week" adventures.

Realistically, it started a month ago when I saw Campbell's chicken noodle soup with Earth day labels and thought to myself "really?".

I spent the actually earth day at my local whole foods type grocery store (the one I never buy groceries in because I refuse to pay 3 X as much for anything. I bought 6 lbs of Buffalo. I felt this pretty "earthy" of me. I mean its all about the circle of life. That's nature, right? Nature = Earth.
I also bought bananas there because bananas are my impulse buy at every store that sells them and they were actually the same price as anywhere else. No big sign on them that said they were organic, picked by migrants workers who have health insurance or picked locally but I'm still counting it.

This week I saw a news peice about unplugging electrical cords when you aren't using the appliance. Cster immediately called the fridge and so I was stuck figuring out how to unplug the built in microwave. But, all kidding aside, I have been unplugging stuff for 3 weeks now and Earth week was week 2.

Saturday I finally remembered to attempt to unclog the drain in our bathtub. I use a lot of baking soda in my cleaning and I heard you could build a volcano science project over the drain and mix vinegar and baking soda and magically the clog would disappear. I didn't have time or resources to paper mache me a volcano so just dumped a bunch of baking soda down the drain and then dumped a bunch more vinegar down. I've never seen Cster so excited to watch me clean the house before. I'm sad to report that this was not an Earth Week success. The drain is still clogged. I'm giving it one more try and actually researching amounts to put in but this fails, I'm getting Drano.

As you may have read in previous posts my kids have been under the weather so I decided to celebrate Earth Week by not bathing them. I wonder how many points that is on the Earth Week "I love the Earth this much" reader?

I wonder what we'll do for next year. I'm already anticipating it will be promoted to Earth Month.

104

Mster had a fever of 104 this week. If you are trying to imagine what a kid with a fever of 104 looks like imagine a girl, with stringy sweaty hair, complaining of being hot (eminating heat) wrapped in her pink princess blanket (by her choice), mouth open, eyes watering, and not wanting to eat popsicles because they are too cold.

For those that don't know, Mster will eat popsicles in -40 weather, while sitting outside in barefeet and a t-shirt. She also complains that bathes are "too hot" if you turn the dial past the middle to fill up the bathtub and she ran through the sprinklers last weekend in her pajamas in 65 degree weather and stayed outside for another 1/2 hour refusing to take off her wet clothes.

Hmm...come to think of it maybe that's why she got a temperature of 104. Oops...although I seriously doubt it because the fever came 4 days later. Don't call Family Services. We're fine.

My momma says...

I think of the phrases my children will remember for saying repeatedly is:

"Do I look like a trash can?"

They will not stop handing me garbage. When will they be trained to go to the trash can before me?

It worries me a little bit when I saw a 12 year old boy giving his mom garbage when he was out in public.

It also worries when Mster answers "yes" to my rhetorical question.

Taking a deep breathe

I don't even know where to begin.

It probably started at around 6:30 last night when Lster threw up all over his bed. I just happened to go in there to try and calm him down so Mster could sleep (I've been letting him cry again) and it was a good thing I did because it was a mess. So I got him new bedding and then proceeded to listen to him cough and wake himself up every hour throughout the whole night. I have to admit the hours between 2 and 3 were quite annoying as I couldn't fall back asleep, the coughing seemed to be worse and the Tylenol (for me) hadn't quite kicked in yet.

So the morning arrived and Mster woke up with stomache issues and a fever and a slight cough. Lster was still coughing and I felt like Crapola (yes thats a capital 'C'). I cancelled my last day of coop preschool and the morning was off to a great start.

I finally decided to hop in the shower at about 10AM after cleaning up throw up and other bodily fluids my children decided to emit. Lster came and visited me and so I hurried. I got out only to find he wasn't there anymore and when I went on a hunt for him I found him with a dark blue magic marker. He had decorated himself, Mster's dollhouse, Mster's bed, Mster's chalkboard and 4 separate spots on the carpet of at least 1-2 feet each. I almost died. I grabbed the marker from him and ran for my carpet cleaner. Nothing was working. I pushed and turned that cleaner. I pretreated the carpet. I post treated the carpet. Finally at 11:30 (cleaning the entire time only the carpet) I packed my sick kids into the car to head on over to our hardware conglomerate to find serious carpet cleaners. I couldn't find what I wanted but settled, got home, threw food in Lster's mouth, ran upstairs to spray the carpet (yet again) and finally got Lster down only to scrub some more.

So now I'm taking a break. I'm sick of the fumes. I already had a headache. I was already sick with something (and by something I mean it may be allergies) and there is still a pale blue colouring on our carpet in the kids rooms. I can't cover it up. Its in the most perfectly awkward spot for that. And so I'm going to wait a bit longer and keep attacking. I will not fail.

Children please don't throw up in the meantime. Please.

Oh and if somebody has some Ben and Jerry's feel free to drop it off my way. Its one of THOSE days.

In case you were wondering

I am teaching in a Coop preschool. The kids are at least a year older than Mster but most are turning six this year. Its been interesting.

Today while they were making worm puppets they got into a discussion on full names. They asked Mster her full name. Her response.

"Mster Jster Burrito, nickname Sir"

Super funny.

We've hit the boys and girls phase of Mster's life. The phase where its easier to play with girls than boys. The phase where other boys don't really want to play with her. The phase where she doesn't understand why all the boys around her just want to play x-men and kill each other. (more about 5 year olds playing x-men in another post). :)


So this made me laugh. A lot. I couldn't figure out how to get the video directly into my post nor did I really want to take the time to do so. :)

The blog is authored by a girl that I worked with as a missionary in DC area. Actually, she made me the missionary that I was able to become.

I'm scared of birds

This story reminds me of my previous experience with a bird at the zoo and my experience on friday at the zoo. I was attacked by a peacock. Big birds that roam free scare me. They petrify me. I took the kids to the zoo on friday and there was a peacock wandering around. Mster got excited and asked to check it out. I told her to go ahead and see it. Its difficult to describe in words where the bird was in relation to me but it was on a switchback just below us. I refused to get close but I really dont want my kids to adopt my phobias. Just as she was walking towards it (but not close to it at all) the peacock decided to jump or fly or whatever it can do right into my face. I screamed. EVERYBODY around me laughed and roared in amusement. I grabbed both kids and ran away (full sprint) to the next exhibit.

DUDE...What if the peacock had jumped at Mster and scratched up her face with its huge talons? We did not provoke this peacock. We did not get into its face. We didnt touch it. And I will continue to be phobia scared of peacocks and all other big roaming birds.

Harry Potter Lives

Lster tried to walk off the bottom stair yesterday and fell into the vacuum. Now he is sporting a sweet, yet suspicious, mark on his forehead.

Into the mind of Mster

I was telling Mster something that I can't even remember now and I finished it by saying..."so what do you think about that?" Her response was "you never know what I'm thinking."

and at a different time. Mster was sitting on my bed while I folded laundry.

Mster: Do you know what I'm thinking?
Me: I don't. What are you thinking?
Mster: PILLOWFIGHT

(FTR we do not pillow fight at all. I think we may have done it over the summer but I can't even remember the last time we had one)

Very random.

Where's Mster

So Mster has been replaced by a princess. This princess does not respond well to being called Mster. She responds very well to being called "Princess", "Princess Mster" or "Cinderella". In fact I got "Cinderella" to clean 3 toilets and put away her clothes yesterday when I told her she couldn't go to the ball until her chores were done. (Yes, that's right...she cleaned my toilets).
Cinderella was with us shopping yesterday and she even took a few minutes out of her busy princess life to shoot a round of golf.

Easter Pics

I have to admit...my kids are cute.

The window guys.

Son of a Sea Biscuit

What am I? A retard?

You idiot.

You've gotta be joking.

I gotta idea.

A few weeks ago we had 4 windows replaced that were part of our buying agreement. The guys came and gave me and Lster a colourful hour of sayings I'm going to share with you now. Luckily Mster was at a friends house.

I'll be waiting...so don't be hatin'

That's the good stuff.

I'm going to jack-t-off

Did I mention I was scared of heights?

Life is Beautiful.

You are going to have to call 911 quick if you make me laugh.

Don't be so sour dude.

I'm not ready for this.

A few days Mster had a friend come over. Said friend was "the mean girl". There have been many updates, not blogged about, on the mean girl situation. The gist is...mean girl became too much for Mster to handle...Mster decided to never play with Mean Girl again...I decided to get involve and call Mean Girl's mommy...Mean girl and Mster had a lunch date at a neutral location with both mommies included so Mean girl could show Mster that she wasn't mean anymore...Mster agreed to play with Mean Girl again.

So Monday was the first day back in Mean Girl/Mster bff-land. I smiled to myself as they both walked downstairs and Mean girl said "I am NOT going to be mean to you Mster". Things were going well.

And then...

I was feeding Lster upstairs when I heard some discussion about kissing coming from downstairs. I immediately decided to investigate only to learn that Mean girl was instigating a game of boyfriend/girlfriend which involved kissing. Kissing dolls (who were their boyfriends) and I think, but can't confirm, kissing each other. I immediately stopped the game to ask what was going on and Mster told me it was a secret. I looked at her and told her we don't keep secrets which was apparently enough for her to spill the beans on the boyfriend/girlfriend activity. I distracted them into playing something else and we all moved on.

The mother called shortly after and said she was coming to pick her up. I mentioned the pretend play situation and she laughed and said "oh yeah, that's what her older siblings are playing so she's picking up on it"

I was so sad. Mster's my oldest and doesn't have older siblings to corrupt her 3 year old mind and bring her in the teenage years much faster than she should. I heard that 10 year olds were the new teenagers but I couldn't believe it. Now I do.

The Drama Queen

Oh No!! It's Begun.

Mster was playing and soon a tug of war ensued with Lster over a truck.

Mster: YOU'RE WRECKING MY LIFE!!!

The last post

Just to clarify the vomit was not my own.

Our Weekend

If I had to some up the weekend in one word I'd have to pick....


Vomit.

The Question of the Day

Mster: Mom, when is Lster taking a nap?
Me: If you ask me one more time when Lster is taking a nap you will not get to watch your show when he goes down. Do you understand?
Mster: yes...Mom, how long is Lster going to be awake for?

Having a bad day!!!

You know your day may not turn out how you had hoped when your 16 month old wakes up at 4:30 and never really goes back to sleep. You realize your children are filthy and instead of putting clothes on them they really should take a bath and its only 6:15AM. Your daughter decides to wait for the water to "get deep" while your son splashes like a madman in 1/4 inch water. Your daughter must have some sixth sense cause your son proceeds to dirty the water and you have to clean it up, clean the tub, and refill the water now with 2 naked and cold children at 6:20AM.

What the Heck?

So we've doing TV on DVD lately and so put in Disc 6 of Season 3 Veronica Mars only to find it was "extras" crap!!! HELLO!!!! You didn't finish the story. You didn't end the season. I knew this was the last season but I didn't realize they didn't even finish it.

CRAPPY. VERY CRAPPY.

I blame all the people who got me hooked on the show. You know who you are.

How to use Google Reader

More about Google Reader.

It allows you to check all the webpages that you routinely check for updates in one conveniant location.

There are a lot of different places to do this but if you already use gmail this is your easiest choice.

To set it up and use:

At the top of your gmail screen - select "more", then "reader". (Google frequently changes the layout of their main page so Reader may already be a choice in the top panel.

Once at the Reader page type in the urls of webpages you want to know when they update. This will "subscribe" you to their page. It does not necessarily need to be a blog.

After you have added your pages, check as often as you like in one location to see if all your favorite websites have added any updates.

Google Reader

I looked myself up and discovered that only 2 people subscribe to my blog. I know there are more than 2 people that read my blog. People, you NEED to use Google Reader. Most of you use gmail so its one click more. Just do it. Feeds free up so much more of your time and I know how busy some of you are so like I've already mentioned. Just do it!

Questions, Questions, Questions!

Mster has this (somewhat annoying) habit of asking questions without thinking first or looking first.

Mster: Mom, is my MacNCheeze done - when I'm at the stove dumping in macaroni.

So yesterday in my fit of hating the world I told her she wasn't allowed to ask me any questions she already knew the answer too. If she could look and find the answer or think and come up with the answer she couldn't ask it. Anything to stop the insessant question asking.

Here's what immediately happened.

Mster: Mom, Can I ask a question I don't have the answer to?
Me: Okay
Mster: How long will it take for Lster to bite through all the cups in the house?

Immediately after that question...

Mster: Mom, Can I ask a another question I don't have the answer to?
Me: I guess
Mster: How long until I can use knives.

So that backfired...

Where's Daddy

The other day I told the kids it was time to wake up Cster. Lster immediatley ran to the garage door and started yelling like a madman and punding with his little fists.

Yesterday!

Yesterday I did not like my kids. I had a bad headache and they whined, cried, and screamed and fought all day long.

Today I like my kids. Today I can remember all the great things that they do and are that make me so happy to be their mom.

Today I love that Mster looks out for her younger brother and SCREAMS as loud as she can to tell me that he's put something in his mouth.

Today I loved that the kids took turns with their books instead of YELLING to have their book read with Lster slamming Mster's book shut everytime we tried to read it.

Today I love that my kids were happy to eat whatever I put in front of them instead of insisting that I find the hidden Valentine's treats. Lster has a sixth sense as to where all things sweet are hidden.

Today I love that Lster can show me his belly button, clap his hands, put his hands up in the air when you ask him how big he is, give kisses, give hugs, smile, laugh, sign, play games, get books, come to me when I call, get his own diapers and wipes, find everybody's shoes when we are going somewhere, yell at the garage door whenever we say the name "Daddy" and even say a few words (albeit it is just the first syllable)

Today I love that Mster is learning how to colour within the lines, write her numbers, sing songs she makes up, read stories to Lster (memorized stories), play pretend, give tight hugs, do her "homework".

Today I love that Mster is so inquisitive and asks questions about everything.

Yesterday was a different story.

Another statement not used by me or Cster

Me: Can you draw me a dog?
Mster: Have I ever steered you wrong?

Lster loves shoes

Lster has a shoe fetish. He wants to wear any shoe/boot/dress up princess heels/etc that's his, mine or Mster.

You can see him most days parading around the room in his shoes or else walking towards me with shoes in hand asking for me to put them on.

Last post update

I didn't realize the picture came out so small so the link to see the full size is here.

I suggest you check it out to truly appreciate our conversation.

Mster's Political Discussion

Mster saw this picture while I was on the computer.

Mster: What's going on?

Me: Looks like that lady's getting bit in the butt.

Mster: Well...how will it stop?

Me: Only if the dog stops biting.

Ode to the Heater

A new creation

Check out my new creation.

Part pattern, part my idea.

Who am I to Argue?

Yesterday Mster told me I was a genius. It came out of the blue after I answered one of her many questions.

I've never used the word with her before and I have no idea where she got it from. But I will accept the compliment.

Dear Beth

I was going through old posts and realized I never responded to Beths request for our address.

I then realized that I don't have Beth's email address so if she would kindly email it to me we can communicate more freely.

Who Knew?

This was the funniest post I've read in a while.

It was very timely for the Burrito household because just yesterday we had less than an hour till our company arrived and I had not yet showered and we realized that a not-so-lovely foul odor was coming from Mster. What else was there to do but have a quick combined shower. Of course Lster couldn't miss out on the fun so he ran around the room area (its all one big room (bedroom/bathroom) trying to find something he sould tear, break or put in his mouth while Mster and I were somewhat occupied.

At one point I had Mster prancing around the shower (with me in it) singing songs about rain and squealing with delight while trying to stop Lster from throwing my clothing into the shower as he so helpfully kept "handing" it to me. Nothing like getting your bra tossed into the shower while you are trying to not get bumped by a prancing 3 year old and attempting to catch a few drips of water so as to get somewhat clean for our company.

Yes Ma'am

Me: I need to you pick up your dishes from last night that you left on the table.
Mster: Aye Aye Captain.

Lster Eats

Lster is finally eating. Hallelujah. Its only been a couple of days but he's inhaling food like its no tomorrow. This pleases me. I have severely restricted snacking. We have scheduled snacktime and if they don't eat at that time they have to wait till dinner. I'm amazed at Mster's ability to eat too. The past 2 nights she ate tons of food and stuff she normally won't touch. If I can only get past the whining and crying to eat 1 hour before dinner, we are going to make it and Lster will get above the 25% in his height category.

Funny Mster story.

I am the chorister for the kids part of church. All the kids aged 3-11 come to a kids thing for 2 hours and I do a 2 -20 minute singing time for the junior and senior groups. In January all the 3 year olds come in to start the new year so Msters an eager participant. I can't just have them sing songs for 20 minutes, I need to make a game out of it and have them learn something so there's some lesson too. During last Sunday's lesson I was talking about how one way which we can get information is to use our mouths and talk to people. There is usually some smart alec in the class who makes ridiculous comments. I just didn't realize it was my daughter.

Mster: But...some people don't have mouths.

Huh...

I realize lots of background for a short punchline but where did she get that from.

I also enjoyed the singing in the bathtub yesterday. It involved a song that went something like this.

Mster: Oh we will be so happy when Lster dies before us because than we will die and we will all be happy together.

Huh...

All I want for Christmas

All Mster wanted for Christmas was a dress that she could fit in for church, a jack in the box (who knows where that came from) and cardboard. We got a lot of shipped boxes in the days preceding Christmas and both kids spent lots of time playing with them.

So Christmas came...

Mster got a dress that fits her perfectly.

Me: Isn't great how Grandma knew you wanted a dress and she got you one for Christmas.
Mster: Yeah...but she didn't get me cardboard.

I am the Biggest Loser

I think I lost 5% of my body weight in 4 days.

For those waiting for emails from me, I'm sorry. I'm behind. My body decided to shut down for 3 days death almost became me. And then my stomach decided to get rid of its lining since I hadn't put food in it for a few days. It tried that for 24 hours.

I even went to the in-laws so that my kids could get fed and washed and stuff.

But today is a better day. My parents are coming tonight. My house is starting to resemble the place we usually reside and hopefully by the time the parents role in all will be better.

Sadly the kids are showing signs of said vicious flu and so is Cster but I have faith that their bodies will FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT and not give in like me.

Merry Christmas to All

As we were leaving church last night somebody said good bye to us. We all said good bye as we walked out the door. Mster shouted, "MERRY CHRISTMAS. FELIS SLAPIDAH"

Mean Girls

The other day Mster was going to have a friend come over. The friend is the same age. She spent 1/2 hour on a card for her friend. She wrote her name, her friends name and part of her friend's dad's name on the card. Then she filled it full with "mster writing" which is pretty much just what she thinks looks like writing. She was excited to share it with the girl.

So the girl comes over and Mster races to get the card and presents is to her like she's offering her gold and the little girl looks at it and says "those are scribbles" and doesn't even take it from her.

A few mornings later I saw Mster cutting the card up in tiny peices with her scissors. She told me "big girls don't like scribbles and I'm a big girl".

The whole experience broke my heart.

Christmas Tree Extravaganza

Yesterday we went and got our Christmas Tree. Mster made a song about it.

Cster arrived and we met David. He works at the tree lot and told us he would gladly take our money for a tree. We found one.

David trimmed it for us.

It now sits in our living room eagerly anticipating our decorating Extravaganza. I will post pictures when its not so naked (its a bashful tree). But I have to say that it is hte awesomest tree ever. Its perfect.

Oh and the sky was awsome. My camera didn't do it justice.

Smart Alec

Me: What in the world makes you think what you are doing right now is smart?
Mster: My brain.

What are you reading?

Msters favourite book right now is David and Goliath. She requests that I read every 2 hours. For those that are unfamiliar with the David and Goliath story. Goliath is a giant Philistine who challenges any Israelite to fight him. David says he will and proceeds to knock Goliath over with a rock and a slingshot. Then he takes Goliaths sword and cuts off his head and takes the head to King Saul.

Sweet dreams my little one.

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Me: Do you want to help me pick out wrapping paper?
Mster: YES!!
Me: Do you like this kind. It has snowman and santas and rainbow colours.
Mster: No...I want ALL pink wrapping paper.

When you gotta go...

Life's a little stressful around here. We think the Lster is teething again and sadly he just can't take it like a man. Teething for Lster involves lots of screaming, lots of neediness and lots of frustration on all family members. If you think that pacifiers muffle the screams you would be sadly mistaken because one of Lster's favorite things to scream for is a pacifier. Regardless of whether he has one in his mouth or not, he will scream bloody murder until he gets it and then give a snort of glee at the ability to hold a pacifier in one hand and munch on the other in his mouth.

I was trying to make dinner last night which was a feat in itself as Lster doesn't like to be put down at all while he's teething. Not put down for anything and I must be walking. I can't sit and hold him or sit and rock him. I must stand and pace the house while holding him. But I digress. While cooking dinner (holding Lster), Mster runs into the room performing the classic "pee pee dance". This involves holding oneself while dancing around spastically and yelling pee pee. I told her to go to the bathroom not 15 feet away from the dance but she adament that she HAD to go outside like the animals do. Needless to say I marched her 15 feet away from the front door into our indoor bathroom to go like a 3 year old.

Roofless Cars

Mster: MOMMY that car doesn't have a roof on
Me: you're right
Mster: Why doesn't it have a roof on
Me: I don't know. What do you think?
Mster: Well, sometimes you just don't have a roof. And when it rains he will have to pull out his umbrella from his pocket.

And Lster is Walking

Look out world...he's on the move.

Monsters are Delicious

Mster: Where can we find monsters?
Me: In your imagination
Mster: What if Monsters were real?
Me: I don't know. What would we do if monsters were real?
Mster: We would kill them, and eat them and slurp them up with water.

Said Mommy

Mster has gone beyond the world of imagination. Its too much for me to handle. We play imagination all day, every day.

Lately she's been saying "said (add the subject that is talking)" Sometimes she'll even add an adjective so it will be "said Mommy quitely" It cracks me up. She can't just say "where is my food". She has to say "'Where is my food?', says baby bird softly"

Rocket Man aka Baby Elton

When Jokes go Wrong

I thought it would be funny to play the joke on Mster where you make her hit herself and then repeatedly say "stop hitting yourself". It was funny while I was doing it, until, she just kept doing it and thought the game was her hitting herself without me and me saying "stop hitting yourself".

We're keeping it all in the family

Mster: When I get older, Mommy and I are going to get married.
Cster: But I'm married to Mommy. Who would I be married to then?
Mster: You can find another girl.
Cster: I think you should go tell that to Mommy.
Mster: I don't want to.

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Mster: Can I have a cookie?
Me: No, they just came out of the oven and need to cool off a bit. They are too hot.
Mster: I like it when they are hot.
Me: I like warm cookies but hot cookies burn your mouth and that's not good.
Mster: I like cookies that burn my mouth.

And then there was...

MORE

Playdates

Mster's on a playdate as I type. Her friend is over and I am amazed at their play ideas. I just turned around to find the friend taking off her pants and underwear.

Me: Woh...what's going on. Lets keep the clothes on.
Friend and Mster: We're going potty.
Me: huh?
Me: you mean pretend potty, right?
Friend and Mster: yep
Me: (phew)
Mster: Its your turn (to friend as she hopes off the kids table that they are calling their potty)
Friend: Its your turn now (After she does on for 10 seconds)
Friend: are you done yet (after Msters been on for more than a minute)

Other games played

Princess and Prince
Mster: How are you Prince?
Friend: No I'm the Princess
Mster: Uhhhhh...I'm the Princess
Mster:...How are you Princess?

Friend: I CAN SEE YOUR BOOTY!!!
Mster: hahahahahahaha
Friend: Pull up your pants...I can see your booty
Mster: hahahahahahaha

Its been a long time coming...

Summer was too stressful to do anything Valentineknitswise but I've been thinking I should post some of the stuff I've done lately. I've got more to post later but for now just go check it out.

Lster, your almost there.

Lster has had the muscle strength and probably balance for months now to be able to stand on his own. He just hasn't quite connected his body to his brain to tell it that he doesn't need to hold on.

Today, that all changed. He made leaps and bounds. He's not standing for hours on end but he's got a good 10 seconds down if he's in the right mood. Your on you way Lster...

Trick or Treat

Fall Festival Extravaganza

Our church is having a Fall Festival (aka Halloween party, I have no idea why its called that) tonight and Mster is so beyond excited that I think she might explode in anticipation. She was all set to be a princess. She HAD to be a princess but after I procrastinated buying her a costume I soon realized that the princess costumes that were left SUCKED!!! And I refused to spend 23.50 (w/o tax) for them. Luckily, much to Msters wildest dreams, Mster found a MUST HAVE butterfly/fairy accessories. We've got wings. We've got a head band. We've got a wand and most importantly we've got face glitter. I may just have to post pictures of this.

Lster EAT

My darling little Lster turned 1 last week. A whole year old. Unfortunately I'm afraid that he won't make it to his 2nd big birthday bash. He wont eat. He's on a hunger strike unless you feed him shredded cheese. He's even refusing crackers unless he's ABSOLUTELY hungry. I'm not sure what to do. Clearly he's hungry. Clearly I can't just feed him cheese. But I guess that's what I'm going to do. Unless I get earplugs to cover up the insanely loud shreaks of holy murder if I even think about putting something other than a milk product on his tray.

Moving and Death`

We've moved. I've been sans internet for almost 2 weeks but I survived. And now, after a lovely visit from 2 burly internet guys who waved their magic cyberspace wands, I'm connected. Expect more posts. Maybe.

Mster is FASCINATED with death and killing. She's constantly talking about killing things and about death.

Mster: Mom, do you want me to die?

Mster: Where did Jesus go?
Me: He died. He's in Heaven with Heavenly Father?
Mster: How did he die?
Me: (ugh)...some bad guys killed him
Mster: Are some bad guys going to kill us?
Me: Probably not. That doesn't happen very often. We'll probably die cause we get sick. Not cold sick but old sick. When you get really old, your body gets sick and you die.
Mster: Is Aunt N* going to die soon cause she's really old?

*Aunt N just turned 50 (and not in the least bit old or sick) :)

Lster

So I realized that Lster is not getting a lot of airtime in the blog world.

Lster is a carboholic. Its all he eats and if I dare to offer him anything but bread, crackers, or noodles he will shreak at the top of his lungs no matter how hungry is until I put carbs on the tray. He will still eat' tofu and yogurt but that is it.

Lster is a tank. Thats what we call him. He's the fastest crawler I've ever seen and he just plows thru whatever he wants to get to. He can walk too if holding onto something or someone.

He LOVEs to climb. He really enjoys climbing and then shreaking yet again until somebody gets him down. I've taken the cushions off the couches to use as barriers in other parts of the living room. So, that leaves the sofa pretty low to climb up. I've also put one cushion on the floor so he can use it as a step to get down. Lster likes to climb up and yell until you move the cushion to the exact location where he wants to go down. I've been thinking about calling him your highness.

It isn't all shreaks and carbs...Lster loves to make you laugh and he loves to laugh. Hide around the corner and he is in hysterics. Throw a wash cloth on his face and he luaghs and laughs.

3 Years of Sorrow

A few months ago, Mster was standing up in the cart and fell out head first onto the hard store floor. Today the kids and I went to the store to buy mass quanities of meat for Csters bday. As we were going into the store Mster said:

"Remember when I was little and I fell on my head and cried for 3 years."

Take that you Witch!

Mster and I were playing witches this morning. Sadly, Mster couldn't find her magic wand so she kept having to borrow my pretend magic wand. Why she couldn't pretend herself up a wand I don't know. So we made up a spell to get the bad witch to go away. It goes...

"Witch...Witch...Witch (spinning your wand in big circles)...BE GONE!(pointing our wands in the witches direction)

Mster: Is the witch dead
Me: (trying not to be morbid or muster up issues of killing things) No, she just went away to another place.
Mster: Oh...let me get my sword...there now she's dead.
Me: Well, alright then.

The Circle of Life

The Circle of Life according to Mster

Caterpillars start out as an egg. Then they hatch and eat fruit, picnic food, and leaves. They then wrap themselves into a racoon (sic) where struggle to get out into a beautiful butterfly.

We need to plant the peanut butter seed, and then give it water and then it will grow and we can pick the peanut butter.

New word of the day

Mster - I just gave you a slobber kiss
Me: You just gave me a booger kiss.

Boogerkiss...just wait...10 years and I know Websters will pick it up.

Top 10 Guys

I opened my library book to find a notebook sheet of paper fall into my lap. It was titled "Top 10 Guys". There were 2 side by side lists.

1. Justin G Brady H (with hearts all around it)
2. Jonathon Jonathon
3. Cody Garrett
4. Garrett Alex C
5. Austin M Trevor
6. Alex C Justin
7. Austin C Austin M
8. Eric Austin C
9. Brady Hayden
10. Trevor Eric

There you have it.

The Pantry

Both my kids like to play in the pantry.

At any given moment one of them has probably found there way in. They both like to shut the door and have you open it. Mster requests you knock first, ask for something and then she will give it to you. Repeating often is a good thing. Lster likes to swing the door open and shut and when the door actually shuts breaks out into bursts of giggles when you open the door for him.