1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
I always eat the carrot sticks. In fact, once at Denny's when I was a wee lass I asked for a side of carrots instead of fries. Bring on the carrots.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
The idea of drinking anything with egg in it sounds repulsing. I hate eggnog purely for the fact that it does have egg in the name. Well, I think I have drank it once (maybe twice) and I'm sure I didn't like it. Maybe it has something to do with my white dairy issue*.
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
I do like gravy. mmm...
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
I do like mashed potatoes too. mmm...I would prefer not to know either way if there was whole milk or skim. (Back to the white dairy issue) because I would rather eat my potatoes in ignorant bliss.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your neating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
I think that you shouldn't stop yourself from eating at all during the holidays. If your hungry before you go to the party, eat. If not, don't. If you're eating so you don't eat as much at the party lets get real, you will still eat lots. mmm...carrot sticks.
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll nee after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
Whatever, carrying around a 10-pound plate of food is exercise.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
Agreed
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
Well, I can think of lots of time I get good desert and can't think of lots of time when I get turkey and mashed potatoes and yummy gravy and stuffing. You can have my dessert, just leave the plate o'turkey in front of me.
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it\'s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
Agreed.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Amen.
* Since I can remember I can not eat white dairy in any sort of creamy or solid form. Its disgusting. This includes but is not limited to: plain yogurt, cottage cheese, sour cream, anything but skim milk, cream cheese. Now as soon as these items are mixed with other food I'm okay. So strawberry yogurt, (cottage cheese is just out), onion dip, etc. I'm fine with. I think it all stems from my idea as a youngin that white dairy reminded me of fat. I thought it was like eating fat directly. Now I just can't eat it and I know that there's no fat in it. (ie fat free plain yogur, sour cream)
9 comments:
I would have two pieces of pumpkin, one of apple.
Sometimes I think I should try to develop a taste for eggnog, but then I think, why should I intentionally develop a taste for something that is so terrible for you?
Unfortunately, I also have no taste for carrot sticks. More power to you for liking them, Squishy. I don't even understand why they are a food. They look pretty on a vegetable tray, though.
I am getting HUNGRY!
Okay, so more commentation! My mom makes the best eggnog. It has no eggs. You must drink it. Basically it's this: Blend vanilla ice cream with milk and cinnamon and nutmeg. Drink. It's really a milkshake, but honestly, it doubles as the best eggnog around.
That is the funniest list I've ever seen. Who sponsored that? Heart Attacks of America? But is there going to be one when we all try to lose weight in January?? Not to be a hum bug, but I gained 7 POUNDS over Christmas while great with child. Had her a month later. Lost 20 pounds right away. Kept 20 pounds for 2 MORE YEARS!!!! I swear it was my body getting me back for constant inhalation of food over Christmas. I've been scarred ever since.
PS By they way, I expect that much food at our parents b/c my kid can EAT!!
um, your parents house I mean. Mine will definitely have enough food to feed a small town.
I am going to get the Cster to make me Young Eggnog. Mmm...it sounds so good.
And yes there will be tons of food at my parents post-Christmas Christmas gathering.
I for one have already told the Cster that I am not holding back this year and eating whatever I want (although that's not really a new thing)
I was being sarcastic...of course you would have lots of food. You are the Queen of Parties. I have come to expect great (and lots of food), company and a fun time.
OK. Expectations are high. I guess we can live up to them.
Enjoying the holidays is fun.
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