Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Lster's Sexist

Lster will not let me do ANYTHING to my hair except keep it hanging down beside my face. A ponytail and he yells until I take it out. I pull my hair back with my hands to take it off my neck for a minute and he yells until I put it back in exactly the same spot. I pull my hair to one side and he yells.

Cster, on the other hand can apparently do whatever he wants. Cster SHAVED HIS ENTIRE HEAD (another story in itself) and Lster didn't even blink an eye.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Happy Fathers Day

Here's a video of our friends singing Happy Father's Day to their dad who's deployed to Afghanistan. I tried to teach them the song and this is my attempt at giving it to them since all other venues (other than a disk) have been exhausted.

Msters Dictionary

Appitode - Attitude
Mehrote - Remote

Friday, June 20, 2008

Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner...out of tupperware

On another eating note, Mster would probably eat anything as long as I didn't plate it and just kept it in the tupperware container it was put in. She thinks leftovers are the BEST when not eaten on a plate or bowl.

Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner...on a Stick

Lster is OBSESSED with eating meals with a toothpick. He thinks its the greatest thing EVER.

It all started when Mster ate something with a toothpick and he HAD to do the same. And now, he requests toothpicks routinely. In fact, I can get him to eat pretty much anything as long as I put a toothpick on his tray too.

Now I 'm sure someone will point out the pointyness of toothpicks and the danger that may pose to my 20 month old should his still developing dexterity cause him to poke himself but to them I would say, it hasn't happened yet. It hasn't happened yet and since the toothpick introduction to our utensils there has actually been less injury while eating. Lster uses spoons and forks but inevitably about 1/2 way through the meal he gives up and switches to his hands and inevitabley one of his tiny little fingers will get in the way of his chomping teeth and he will scream in agony that he bit his fingers.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

My first attempt at going political

I've never really gone political here at Squishy Burrito but this comment by Hillary Clinton today made me upset.

"Although we weren't able to shatter that highest, hardest glass ceiling this time, thanks to you, it's got about 18 million cracks in it...The light is shining through like never before, filling us all with the hope and the sure knowledge that the path will be a little easier next time."

Hilary Clinton did not win because she was a woman. I'm a woman and I wouldn't vote for her not because she is a woman but because I didn't want her to be president.

Don't play that card.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Stupid ABC

Dear ABC executives:

I recently viewed a commercial for a new reality series to find a new cast member for High School Musical: Another Movie. I can not tell you the excitement I felt at this news. I LOVE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL (although I have to admit I did not LOVE #2) I think high school kids singing and dancing to the theme of unrequited love is the best thing ever. Yes, I do own both movies.

My excitement was shattered when after 30 seconds of pure advertising bliss you told me that it would be on Sunday nights. I don't watch TV on sunday nights. This is not a good thing. I mean that the show is on Sunday not that I don't watch tv on Sunday.

You may tell me that I can watch it later with limited commercial interuptions at abc.com but its not the same thing. I watched the entire season of The Big Give, got attached to it and it didn't get renewed, I think, in partial, to the fact that I watched it online and my viewership wasn't counted.

I don't want to watch it online. I want to watch it on our big 42 in. tv where I can fully experience HSM in HD glory. I don't want to hook up the computer to the big tv because then I have to remember to take it all apart again before the kids wake up and dance for glee at the thought of pulling every cord imaginable placed in front of them.

Come on...change it. You can pick any other night, come on.!!!!

Sincerely Squishy.

PS - I will accept free shipped dvd's of the show after each one is aired in lieu of moving the date.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Zoo Quips

1. Nothing else will EVER be remembered at a zoo trip by children if the Gorilla throws up and eats it in front of them.

2. I got this email from the zoo this past week. Does anybody else see something a little bit off with it.

"Meet Emmitt and Digger, Cheyenne Mountain Zoo’s two male grizzly bears! Part of the new Rocky Mountain Wild exhibit, these two are frequently seen enjoying their pool. (Emmitt seems to prefer the water more than Digger.) Keepers have been using positive reinforcement to train these two to exhibit natural behaviors as they would in the wild, such as splashing the water, which is how bears fish. The bears are even learning to take directions from keepers; the keeper points to a location and the bears walk to that area. At the ring of a cow bell, both Emmitt and Digger know its time to come inside. "

I'm just wondering how many other animals have been "trained" to act like animals. Are Far Side comics true?

Lster's Quirks

If a plane goes by Lster MUST yell at the top of his lungs and continue yelling until you acknowledge him by also yelling "AIRPLANE" at the top of your lungs.

If Lster passes the TV he will yell and point repeatedly until you tell him he can't watch tv and then he will whine and complain until you distract him. (our tv is in a VERY frequented location)

2 lbs of blueberries eaten by 2 kids in 1 day is not the smartest thing a parent can do for their children's bodies even if the blueberries were ridiculously cheap and the children didn't eat a single cracker all day. Those were some messy diapers.

Ice Cream Novelties

Cster and I were in the frozen food section of our grocery store. Cster saw a sign for Ice Cream and Ice Cream Novelties. "Ooh...Ice Cream Novelties. I want to see that?"

So we walk over to the ice cream section. "Where are the novelties?" asks Cster? Me: "Uh right there. The cones. The popsicles. Ice Cream Bars." Cster: "Really. I was hoping for gnomes eating ice cream or something. You know...a REAL novelty."

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Mster - You're KILLING Us!!!

As if the hair fiasco of last weekend wasn't shocking enough, Mster has had a week of misbehaving, not listening and direct disobediance. I don't know what to do. I have some thoughts on what is going on but I can't pinpoint it. We skipped the terrible twos so maybe this is payback.

Last night Cster walked into our main floor bathroom and asked "what happened here?" "I don't know" replied I. "What's going on?"

What's going on is that Mster decided to rip down the wallpaper edging that divides the two coloured walls. WHAT THE HECK? She was still up trying to sleep in her room at this point (it was 9pm for those that know our sleeping schedule) and I was so mad I told Cster to go up and bring her right down. He rationally (thankfully) decided we should deal with it this morning. So this morning we take her into the bathroom to ask her what her brain was thinking and she told us that Lster did it. He didn't. So Mster got to spend an hour in her room by herself. The worst punishment for a girl who needs to be constantly talking and needs constant attention ALL THE TIME.

Seriously...tell me this is a phase.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Sunday, May 18, 2008

HE SPEAKS

The Lster has spoken.

Lster enjoys grunting. He's mastered tone and intonation down and he's shown no sign of actual consenants or vowels. I've heard too much advice. I've tried to listen to too much advice.

But in the last week we've gotten 4 words:

No. Cracker. Car. Ma

SCORE 3 for Lster. No can mean many things. It can mean No. It can mean Yes. It can mean give me what I really want or this could turn ugly really fast. But its a word and I've watched many a toddler say no to cake, candy, tv and chocolate. Cracker is Gahger and has been confirmed by me, Cster and Mster. We've all heard it used in context. Car is most recent and only heard once but I'm counting it. Ma has been going on for a few weeks now. It is most often spoken at the top or bottom of the stairs and means. "Mom I'm at the top/bottom of the stairs and I don't care if I can get down/up faster than you can get up/down and get me you must get me right this instant or I will keep screaming 'Ma' until you do"

Take that pediatrician.

My child would never do that...

Mster cut her hair.

We've been home from our vacation/wedding craziness a week now and the kids have been having a slightly rough time settling back into the old routine. Mster, my normally angelic child, has been defiant, disobediant and in her own little world where she will do whatever she wants regardless of my suggestions or commands.

By friday I had had enough. I took the kids to the zoo. While there we found out that we would be having guests over that night and the house was in no way decent for house guests. Even if these houseguests rock and wouldn't care if every item we owned was in our living room floor or the guest room where they would stay (which they almost were). So we came home and tidying ensued.

Mster decided to do her part by giving her horse a haircut and leaving all the hair clippings on the floor. I thought about making a comment about not cutting stuffed animals hair but I decided to follow the usual advice of "pick your battles". I turned around to finish what I was doing, turned around again and found her cutting her hair with the scissors pointed upward into her pony tail. I yelled in surprize. She cried. She told me she wasn't my friend anymore and ran away.

After calming myself down and phoning Cster to COME HOME NOW!! I assessed the hair situation and determined that she needed professional help. So, off we went to the hair salon. She now has bangs. (sigh) She now has layers. And there is a heap of horse and Mster hair in our trash.

Once I figure out my camera and take the time upload the pictures I'll post one of the pile o' beautiful locks and maybe one of the stylish new Mster.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

I Love You

Another conversation about the book.

Mster: Why doesn't the princess want to marry the wizard?
Me: Because she doesn't love him.
Mster: Why does the princess want to marry the prince?
Me: Because she loves him.
Mster: Why does she love him?
Me: Well...why do you love me?
Mster: Because you have a great smile.
Me: Do you know why I love you?
Mster: (wide eyed) why?
Me: Because you make me laugh
Mster: You like my jokes. Lets tell jokes. Knock Knock.
Me: Who's there?
Mster: Nose.
Me: Nose who?
Mster: Nose hair.

Don't judge a book by its cover

Mster has been OBSESSED with weddings ever since her uncle's wedding a total of 4 days ago. Today we went to the library and I picked up a bunch of books I thought she would like. She decided to pick her own book. It was an odd choice*. She usually doesn't like any books with odd looking drawings. And she can't read so it's really the picture that captures her attention. The book is an Indian Folklore about a princess who is locked away in a palace by a mean wizard and jointly helps a prince rescue her. Mster LOVES it. Who knew with that cover that it would hold all the most important things in Mster's life right now. Weddings. Prince. Princess.

Mster: Why doesn't the princess want to marry the wizard?
Me: Because he's mean.
Mster: Why does the princess want to marry the prince?
Me: Because he's nice and you should always marry a nice person.
Mster: (wide eyed) But what if there isn't any nice people?
Me: Then you shouldn't get married and you can stay with me and Daddy.
Mster: As a grownup?
Me: Yup.
Mster: But what about when you die? I'll be all alone...
Me: Um...you're 3...lets not worry about this right now.


*odd choice = no pictures of cartoon animals, fairies, princesses, smiling faces, fuzzy bunnies, etc.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Earth Week

Because our society has turned every single event/holiday/celebration day into at least a week of merchandising and sales opportunities I've decided to share my "Earth Week" adventures.

Realistically, it started a month ago when I saw Campbell's chicken noodle soup with Earth day labels and thought to myself "really?".

I spent the actually earth day at my local whole foods type grocery store (the one I never buy groceries in because I refuse to pay 3 X as much for anything. I bought 6 lbs of Buffalo. I felt this pretty "earthy" of me. I mean its all about the circle of life. That's nature, right? Nature = Earth.
I also bought bananas there because bananas are my impulse buy at every store that sells them and they were actually the same price as anywhere else. No big sign on them that said they were organic, picked by migrants workers who have health insurance or picked locally but I'm still counting it.

This week I saw a news peice about unplugging electrical cords when you aren't using the appliance. Cster immediately called the fridge and so I was stuck figuring out how to unplug the built in microwave. But, all kidding aside, I have been unplugging stuff for 3 weeks now and Earth week was week 2.

Saturday I finally remembered to attempt to unclog the drain in our bathtub. I use a lot of baking soda in my cleaning and I heard you could build a volcano science project over the drain and mix vinegar and baking soda and magically the clog would disappear. I didn't have time or resources to paper mache me a volcano so just dumped a bunch of baking soda down the drain and then dumped a bunch more vinegar down. I've never seen Cster so excited to watch me clean the house before. I'm sad to report that this was not an Earth Week success. The drain is still clogged. I'm giving it one more try and actually researching amounts to put in but this fails, I'm getting Drano.

As you may have read in previous posts my kids have been under the weather so I decided to celebrate Earth Week by not bathing them. I wonder how many points that is on the Earth Week "I love the Earth this much" reader?

I wonder what we'll do for next year. I'm already anticipating it will be promoted to Earth Month.

Friday, April 25, 2008

104

Mster had a fever of 104 this week. If you are trying to imagine what a kid with a fever of 104 looks like imagine a girl, with stringy sweaty hair, complaining of being hot (eminating heat) wrapped in her pink princess blanket (by her choice), mouth open, eyes watering, and not wanting to eat popsicles because they are too cold.

For those that don't know, Mster will eat popsicles in -40 weather, while sitting outside in barefeet and a t-shirt. She also complains that bathes are "too hot" if you turn the dial past the middle to fill up the bathtub and she ran through the sprinklers last weekend in her pajamas in 65 degree weather and stayed outside for another 1/2 hour refusing to take off her wet clothes.

Hmm...come to think of it maybe that's why she got a temperature of 104. Oops...although I seriously doubt it because the fever came 4 days later. Don't call Family Services. We're fine.

My momma says...

I think of the phrases my children will remember for saying repeatedly is:

"Do I look like a trash can?"

They will not stop handing me garbage. When will they be trained to go to the trash can before me?

It worries me a little bit when I saw a 12 year old boy giving his mom garbage when he was out in public.

It also worries when Mster answers "yes" to my rhetorical question.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Taking a deep breathe

I don't even know where to begin.

It probably started at around 6:30 last night when Lster threw up all over his bed. I just happened to go in there to try and calm him down so Mster could sleep (I've been letting him cry again) and it was a good thing I did because it was a mess. So I got him new bedding and then proceeded to listen to him cough and wake himself up every hour throughout the whole night. I have to admit the hours between 2 and 3 were quite annoying as I couldn't fall back asleep, the coughing seemed to be worse and the Tylenol (for me) hadn't quite kicked in yet.

So the morning arrived and Mster woke up with stomache issues and a fever and a slight cough. Lster was still coughing and I felt like Crapola (yes thats a capital 'C'). I cancelled my last day of coop preschool and the morning was off to a great start.

I finally decided to hop in the shower at about 10AM after cleaning up throw up and other bodily fluids my children decided to emit. Lster came and visited me and so I hurried. I got out only to find he wasn't there anymore and when I went on a hunt for him I found him with a dark blue magic marker. He had decorated himself, Mster's dollhouse, Mster's bed, Mster's chalkboard and 4 separate spots on the carpet of at least 1-2 feet each. I almost died. I grabbed the marker from him and ran for my carpet cleaner. Nothing was working. I pushed and turned that cleaner. I pretreated the carpet. I post treated the carpet. Finally at 11:30 (cleaning the entire time only the carpet) I packed my sick kids into the car to head on over to our hardware conglomerate to find serious carpet cleaners. I couldn't find what I wanted but settled, got home, threw food in Lster's mouth, ran upstairs to spray the carpet (yet again) and finally got Lster down only to scrub some more.

So now I'm taking a break. I'm sick of the fumes. I already had a headache. I was already sick with something (and by something I mean it may be allergies) and there is still a pale blue colouring on our carpet in the kids rooms. I can't cover it up. Its in the most perfectly awkward spot for that. And so I'm going to wait a bit longer and keep attacking. I will not fail.

Children please don't throw up in the meantime. Please.

Oh and if somebody has some Ben and Jerry's feel free to drop it off my way. Its one of THOSE days.