Zoo Quips

1. Nothing else will EVER be remembered at a zoo trip by children if the Gorilla throws up and eats it in front of them.

2. I got this email from the zoo this past week. Does anybody else see something a little bit off with it.

"Meet Emmitt and Digger, Cheyenne Mountain Zoo’s two male grizzly bears! Part of the new Rocky Mountain Wild exhibit, these two are frequently seen enjoying their pool. (Emmitt seems to prefer the water more than Digger.) Keepers have been using positive reinforcement to train these two to exhibit natural behaviors as they would in the wild, such as splashing the water, which is how bears fish. The bears are even learning to take directions from keepers; the keeper points to a location and the bears walk to that area. At the ring of a cow bell, both Emmitt and Digger know its time to come inside. "

I'm just wondering how many other animals have been "trained" to act like animals. Are Far Side comics true?

Lster's Quirks

If a plane goes by Lster MUST yell at the top of his lungs and continue yelling until you acknowledge him by also yelling "AIRPLANE" at the top of your lungs.

If Lster passes the TV he will yell and point repeatedly until you tell him he can't watch tv and then he will whine and complain until you distract him. (our tv is in a VERY frequented location)

2 lbs of blueberries eaten by 2 kids in 1 day is not the smartest thing a parent can do for their children's bodies even if the blueberries were ridiculously cheap and the children didn't eat a single cracker all day. Those were some messy diapers.

Ice Cream Novelties

Cster and I were in the frozen food section of our grocery store. Cster saw a sign for Ice Cream and Ice Cream Novelties. "Ooh...Ice Cream Novelties. I want to see that?"

So we walk over to the ice cream section. "Where are the novelties?" asks Cster? Me: "Uh right there. The cones. The popsicles. Ice Cream Bars." Cster: "Really. I was hoping for gnomes eating ice cream or something. You know...a REAL novelty."

Mster - You're KILLING Us!!!

As if the hair fiasco of last weekend wasn't shocking enough, Mster has had a week of misbehaving, not listening and direct disobediance. I don't know what to do. I have some thoughts on what is going on but I can't pinpoint it. We skipped the terrible twos so maybe this is payback.

Last night Cster walked into our main floor bathroom and asked "what happened here?" "I don't know" replied I. "What's going on?"

What's going on is that Mster decided to rip down the wallpaper edging that divides the two coloured walls. WHAT THE HECK? She was still up trying to sleep in her room at this point (it was 9pm for those that know our sleeping schedule) and I was so mad I told Cster to go up and bring her right down. He rationally (thankfully) decided we should deal with it this morning. So this morning we take her into the bathroom to ask her what her brain was thinking and she told us that Lster did it. He didn't. So Mster got to spend an hour in her room by herself. The worst punishment for a girl who needs to be constantly talking and needs constant attention ALL THE TIME.

Seriously...tell me this is a phase.

The Pile

HE SPEAKS

The Lster has spoken.

Lster enjoys grunting. He's mastered tone and intonation down and he's shown no sign of actual consenants or vowels. I've heard too much advice. I've tried to listen to too much advice.

But in the last week we've gotten 4 words:

No. Cracker. Car. Ma

SCORE 3 for Lster. No can mean many things. It can mean No. It can mean Yes. It can mean give me what I really want or this could turn ugly really fast. But its a word and I've watched many a toddler say no to cake, candy, tv and chocolate. Cracker is Gahger and has been confirmed by me, Cster and Mster. We've all heard it used in context. Car is most recent and only heard once but I'm counting it. Ma has been going on for a few weeks now. It is most often spoken at the top or bottom of the stairs and means. "Mom I'm at the top/bottom of the stairs and I don't care if I can get down/up faster than you can get up/down and get me you must get me right this instant or I will keep screaming 'Ma' until you do"

Take that pediatrician.

My child would never do that...

Mster cut her hair.

We've been home from our vacation/wedding craziness a week now and the kids have been having a slightly rough time settling back into the old routine. Mster, my normally angelic child, has been defiant, disobediant and in her own little world where she will do whatever she wants regardless of my suggestions or commands.

By friday I had had enough. I took the kids to the zoo. While there we found out that we would be having guests over that night and the house was in no way decent for house guests. Even if these houseguests rock and wouldn't care if every item we owned was in our living room floor or the guest room where they would stay (which they almost were). So we came home and tidying ensued.

Mster decided to do her part by giving her horse a haircut and leaving all the hair clippings on the floor. I thought about making a comment about not cutting stuffed animals hair but I decided to follow the usual advice of "pick your battles". I turned around to finish what I was doing, turned around again and found her cutting her hair with the scissors pointed upward into her pony tail. I yelled in surprize. She cried. She told me she wasn't my friend anymore and ran away.

After calming myself down and phoning Cster to COME HOME NOW!! I assessed the hair situation and determined that she needed professional help. So, off we went to the hair salon. She now has bangs. (sigh) She now has layers. And there is a heap of horse and Mster hair in our trash.

Once I figure out my camera and take the time upload the pictures I'll post one of the pile o' beautiful locks and maybe one of the stylish new Mster.

I Love You

Another conversation about the book.

Mster: Why doesn't the princess want to marry the wizard?
Me: Because she doesn't love him.
Mster: Why does the princess want to marry the prince?
Me: Because she loves him.
Mster: Why does she love him?
Me: Well...why do you love me?
Mster: Because you have a great smile.
Me: Do you know why I love you?
Mster: (wide eyed) why?
Me: Because you make me laugh
Mster: You like my jokes. Lets tell jokes. Knock Knock.
Me: Who's there?
Mster: Nose.
Me: Nose who?
Mster: Nose hair.

Don't judge a book by its cover

Mster has been OBSESSED with weddings ever since her uncle's wedding a total of 4 days ago. Today we went to the library and I picked up a bunch of books I thought she would like. She decided to pick her own book. It was an odd choice*. She usually doesn't like any books with odd looking drawings. And she can't read so it's really the picture that captures her attention. The book is an Indian Folklore about a princess who is locked away in a palace by a mean wizard and jointly helps a prince rescue her. Mster LOVES it. Who knew with that cover that it would hold all the most important things in Mster's life right now. Weddings. Prince. Princess.

Mster: Why doesn't the princess want to marry the wizard?
Me: Because he's mean.
Mster: Why does the princess want to marry the prince?
Me: Because he's nice and you should always marry a nice person.
Mster: (wide eyed) But what if there isn't any nice people?
Me: Then you shouldn't get married and you can stay with me and Daddy.
Mster: As a grownup?
Me: Yup.
Mster: But what about when you die? I'll be all alone...
Me: Um...you're 3...lets not worry about this right now.


*odd choice = no pictures of cartoon animals, fairies, princesses, smiling faces, fuzzy bunnies, etc.